Step Nine Sex Addiction Recovery
In Step 8, the recovering sex addict makes a list of everyone that he or she has harmed and how each were harmed. The sex addict and sponsor will review each person on the list and together, prayerfully determine how to make an amends in step nine to undo each wrong without injuring that person or others. There is always some way to make an amends, even if the injured person cannot be found, died, or remains nameless. (more…)
Guideline For Sexual Addiction Sobriety
Anyone that begins sexual addiction recovery will be faced with the dilemma of how to define, abstain, and maintain sexual sobriety. For the person struggling with alcoholism or drug addiction, sobriety is fairly simple to define: abstain from alcohol and drugs.
Sexual addiction sobriety can be similar to the person that is addicted to overeating; simply abstaining from food won’t work. Sexual addiction recovery doesn’t equate to celibacy. So how does the recovering sex addict determine what sexual behaviors are part of his/her addiction? I often discuss with my client a few sobriety guideline to help him determine signs of compulsive sexual behaviors. (more…)
First Step Sexual Addiction Recovery
After attending four to six sexual addiction 12-step recovery groups, I recommend that my client find a sponsor to help guide him through the programs steps of recovery. I direct the client to find someone that has sexual sobriety, has worked the twelve steps with a sponsor, and that person has a recovery that he wants for himself. The potential sponsor should share in meetings and the shares lead to the client having a sense that this man has a recovery program that works. Then the client is to ask the person whether he’d be willing to sponsor him. The goal is to begin preparations to work the First Step. (more…)
No One Can Be Trusted To Meet My Needs
The sex addict third core belief is “My needs are never going to be met if I have to depend upon others.” A reminder of the first two core beliefs: 1) I am a bad and unworthy person; and 2) No one will love me as I am. The first two core beliefs focus upon self-acceptance, while the third belief deals with intimacy (into-me-you-see). The spouse of the sex addict needs help too to trust again. (more…)
Sexual Addiction Attachment Wounds
When I work with men that struggle with sexual addiction, I communicate in the first session my belief that the real issue is not the need for more sex but rather the need for attachment. Due to the man’s past relational attachment wounds and/or trauma, he avoids real attachment by pursuing a counterfeit attachment such as pornography, prostitutes, strippers, massage girls, and/or one night stands. (more…)
Sex Addict Core Belief Number Two
The first core belief of the Sex Addict is “I am basically a bad and unworthy person” or another way of describing the first core belief is shame. The second core belief of the Sex Addict is “No one will love me as I am.” Why wouldn’t someone love or accept him as he is? Because he is such a bad and unworthy person. The Sex Addict learned that to be accepted by others, he must hide his perceived flaws, weaknesses, defects of character, and especially his struggles with pornography or other sexual behaviors. (more…)
Sexual Addiction Counseling
To begin Sexual Addiction Recovery, the sex addict must reverse the isolation and alienation that is foundational to the addiction. Addicts must be a part of a caring community of recovering sex addicts that fully accept and understand the shame and struggles of the addiction. With the support of the community, the addict can begin a life without the addiction and find a path to healing and recovery from a life of powerlessness.
The help of the recovering group will provide the addict an integration of new beliefs and new healthier thinking. The addict will learn how to replace the mood-altering insanity with a lifestyle that begins with loving himself and receiving love from others. (more…)