Should I or Shouldn’t I Share?

Most partners of sex addicts first learn about an addict’s sexual behaviors by accident—a coworker of the sex addict tells her that her spouse is having an affair, she accidentally discovers emails on his phone to prostitutes or acting out partners, or she finds pornography on the home computer. (more…)

Sexual Addiction Recovery

Recovering from sexual addiction takes work and a determination to lean into the pain rather than returning to the addiction. Addiction is about numbing, medicating, avoiding, escaping, and denying reality at all cost. Therefore, recovery is about facing and experiencing reality at all cost. No matter the pain involved!  You must work a Sexual Addiction Recovery Plan. (more…)

What Is The Difference?

Many of my clients ask, “What is the difference between the Sexaholics Anonymous 12-step group (SA) and the Sex Addicts Anonymous 12-step group (SAA)?”

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When a client comes in to see me with a sex addiction problem, I often take an extensive family and sexual history. I will curiously ask questions about his parent’s relationship, relationship questions about siblings, how each family member connected and who did he turn to the most for help.

Sexual Addiction Includes Other Addictions

When I counsel men that struggle with sexual addiction behaviors, I will also review other addictive behaviors underneath the sexual addiction. (more…)

Beginning Sexual Addiction Recovery

Most sex addicts are unwilling to admit that they are a sex addict and refuse to begin sexual addiction recovery. Just like anyone, they too like to think that they are different from other sex addicts. It is not surprising that most men that struggle with sexual addiction have histories of countless vain attempts to prove that they can stop and/or control their sexual behaviors on their own. (more…)

The First Step: Admitting Sex Addiction

The second core belief of a sex addict is “If you knew me, I mean really knew me, you’d reject me.” This core belief keeps men and women that struggle with sexual addiction from admitting sex addiction to others and asking for help. Experience has demonstrated that sharing the addiction with another trusted person is crucial and a form of surrender. (more…)

In my work with men that struggle with sexual addiction, we look at the number of triggers that often set him off. These triggers can include conflicts, negative emotions, certain stimuli, or stress that provoke a fantasy, sexualized feeling, or thought that leads to wanting to act out. It is often easy to identify some of the more tangible lust and sex triggers. Most sex addicts have created a many different forms of triggers as their addiction progressed. Here are some of the categories that I have found to be common from my work with men that struggle with sex or porn addiction. (more…)

How to Begin Sexual Addiction Recovery

If you are struggling with sexual addiction or porn addiction and you desire to change, you are probably contemplating ways of starting sexual addiction recovery. The first step to take is to tell another person of your struggle. This can be a frightening direction because of your many years of shame and hiding. You may believe that others will reject you and abandon you if they knew about your struggles with porn or other sexual behaviors. (more…)

Sex Addicts Hitting Bottom

How does an addict get to the place when he is ready to do whatever it takes to recover from his addiction? My answer to this question is “when he is experiencing more pain from the addiction than reward or pleasure.” When sex addicts hit bottom, they are ready to accept help and seek sexual addiction counseling and recovery. (more…)