Sexual Addiction Real Addiction?There are many different opinions and views about sexual addiction. As a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), I have been treating men that struggle with sexual compulsive behaviors for over 15 years. I tell my clients in the first session that the real issue is not the need for more sex but rather a desire for safe connection. (more…)
Porn Rewires The BrainOften I am asked, “What’s the big deal with viewing porn? Everyone does it.” I answer this question by communicating how viewing pornography rewires the brain.
To begin, we must understand how our brains to learn quickly through repetition. Watch a infant begin to walk and you will see how his/her brain learns through repeated attempts, failure, learning, and eventually success. (more…)
When I work with men that struggle with sexual addiction, one of the first things we will do is look at his family-of-origin. Often, I find a family system characterized as rigid and disengaged.
A leading researcher in the field of sexual addiction, Dr. Patrick Carnes, found that 77% of men and women who report as struggling with sexual addiction were raised in a rigid family and 87% report coming from a disengaged or disconnected family. (more…)
Sex Addiction & AttachmentI believe that sex addiction counselors need to (re)think about addiction differently than we have in the past. Human beings have been created to possess an inborn need to bond and connect with others. When we are feeling safe, happy and healthy, we will bond with the people around us.
When we don’t feel safe, loved, seen, or soothed; we will turn to something or someone that will give us relief from the pain of loneliness. Relief could be as simple as endlessly checking our smart phones or it might be pornography, video games, social media, gambling, or drugs. We will bond with something because that is our human nature. (more…)
Internet Cybersex AddictionWhy has internet cybersex addiction become such a big problem in our culture today? Dr. Patrick Carnes points to the three “A’s” of the internet: anonymity, affordable, and accessible. (more…)
Sexual addiction, also referred to as sexual compulsion and sexual dependency can be defined as any sexual activity that feels “out of control”. The sex addict feels compelled to seek out and engage in sexual behavior, in spite of the problems it may cause in their personal, social and work lives. It may encompass any single or multiple type of sexual behavior. In the assessment and defining sexual addiction, its important to start by discussing the sexual behaviors that are out of control. (more…)
A man struggles with pornography addiction because his soul is empty and is what I call sexual addiction spiritual emptiness. Being alone scares him. Feeling empty is worse. Watching porn is a way of numbing and escaping that feeling of loneliness. It isn’t the loneliness that he fears but rather the pain of being empty. The man has a eternal hole in his sole that only God can fill and that is why porn never works to fill the emptiness. (more…)
Getting enough sleep is one of the most important things you can do in your sexual addiction program. The average adult needs approximately 7 to 8 hours of sleep each night. Children and some adults need slightly more. If you’re getting enough sleep, it can negatively affect your ability to stay sober and you probably are feeling sluggish, tired most of the day and your thinking is slower and with less clarity. It’s no wonder that a lack of sleep is often the cause of many auto accidents and reduced ability to make quick decisions. Lack of sleep can lead to feeling depressed and anxious. Both moods are often warning signs for a sex addict. (more…)
Step One of the twelve step program states, “We admitted that we were powerless over lust, that our lives had become unmanageable.” Many of the men that schedule their first counseling appointment with me have not yet fully embraced the first step of recovery or surrender. (more…)
Sexual Addiction Recovery Step 4In sexual addiction recovery, step 4 requires making “a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” Sexual issues, for the person struggling with sexual addiction, is not the main issue that needs to be faced and resolved in recovery but rather a symptom of a deeper issue. (more…)