Overtime, the Sexual Addiction Self-Obsession sets into motion the addictive cycle and the thinking of the Sex Addict becomes increasing more selfish and self-centered. Internally, his attitude closes off to the reality of his behaviors to the point in which he can no longer look at himself or the harm he is causing. He may blame those closet to him or the world outside as reasons for his actions. “It isn’t my fault!” All he can see are the inadequacies, wrongs, and failures of others.
The Sex Addict Self-Obsession becomes increasingly shut off and defensive, justifying and rationalizing his wrongs, being unteachable and controlling, and becoming even more determined. The Sex Addict cannot fully see the inner darkness that continues to grow in power and in control. This self-obsession stinks to everyone but the obsessed addict. The Sex Addict’s self-obsession can take many different forms. For example, one form may be passivity while another seems to be very generous while another can take the form of a victim. The greater the self-obsession, the greater the lie to disguise it. The addict cannot see the cracks that are developing in the foundation of his life and in the relationships with others. This self-obsession progresses into spiritual blindness and darkness. The addict simply believes that it is the cause of others that he suffers rather than being able to see his own wrongs.
The obsession with the self leads to becoming the god over our own lives and believing that the self is the most important person in the world. This means that “our needs come first!” Even at the expense of those he loves. Self love means the addict is addicted to self. The search for a greater high short-circuits any meaningful connection with others or with God. The pursuit of “life” shuts out any possibility of finding true life.
Recovering helps the sex addict to find that true high and meaning for life. He begins to realize that his addiction was rally killing him and those around him. That his thinking was inward and made himself the center of the universe hiding his real problems. He was very lonely sitting on his own throne. Recovery allows him to surrender the lie, heal, become outward in relationship with others, and reconnect spiritually to a Power Greater than himself.