Sexual addiction usually begins in adolescence with an initial exposure to something sexual. It can be a father’s porn magazine, sexual scenes on television, curiosity with another person, or even worst, sexual abuse by an older teen or adult.
Overtime, the sexual experience is used to numb, medicate, distract, or escape from past relationship pain and trauma. The person struggling with the sexual behaviors develops deep shame and fears that others would reject or judge him if he was exposed. Therefore, he works hard to keep his behaviors a secret.
As with other addictions, to get the same “high” or arousal, he needs “more, better, and different” behaviors. For example, his behaviors may begin with pornography and progress to pursuing sex with others. The he moves onto one-night stands in college and later after marriage, he may have affairs or purchase sex with escort. His shame deepens and so does his fear of being exposed. He is beginning to lose hope that he could ever stop the madness and yet truly wants to be free.
I became a counselor to provide men hope that there is a solution. Many men thought that marriage would solve their problem but learned it didn’t. There are various ways that those struggling with sexual addiction try to either control it or stop it on their own because it is just too embarrassing and shameful to ask for help. I get it! I will work hard to gain your trust and I will never shame you. I have worked with hundreds of men and often hear at the end of the first session, “That wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. You make me feel safe.”
What Is Sexual Addiction?
I believe that the real issue isn’t the need for more sex but rather the real issue is to heal the underlying emotional and relational wounds from the past. I have received specialized training from Dr. Patrick Carnes and utilize his 30-task treatment model to help men heal from sexual brokenness. I also use my own experience in working recovery from years of personal journey of healing. I fully understand the battle and what is required to find freedom and restoration.
My goal is to create a safe place and environment for men to honestly share their struggles and secrets. In the first counseling session, I provide a information packet on what is sexual addiction, my recovery program tasks, recommended boundaries for healthier living, and an escape plan to stop the madness.
The main issue of sexual addiction is not the need for more sex, rather, it is to control and avoid pain. This is similar to how an alcoholic or drug addict uses alcohol or drugs to avoid their pain. Recovery from sex addiction requires you to get into a regular pattern of tough recovery work. You are fighting to change many, many years of conditioning. Recovery will not occur overnight or even over a couple of weeks.
How do counselors know when addiction is present?
Here are four symptoms of addiction:
- Inability to stop
- Tendency to get angry when denied sex or porn.
- Secretive about the sexual behaviors
- Continue to pursue sex or porn despite negative consequences
Sexual Addiction Behaviors May Include:
- Habitual Masturbation
- Cheating On Your Spouse or Partner
- Sexual Fantasies
- Viewing Pornography
- Participating Unsafe and risky sex
- Paying for Sex (Prostitutes, Sexual Massage, Escorts)
- Sex With Anonymous Partners (Craigslist, Backpage, Dating Sites, Chatrooms)
- Phone, Text, Chatroom sex
- Sexual Fetishes
- Pain Exchange Sex
If you are struggling with sexual addictive behaviors and have come to a place of wanting to finally get free and sexual integrity, please don’t hesitate another minute to contact me to setup a time to meet one-on-one. Call our center at 512-123-4567 or fill out our contact form to request more information.