Knowing Your Spouse Marriage Counseling Round Rock Texas

Knowing Your Spouse Equals Intimacy

Every marriage desires intimacy within the relationship and true intimacy derives from “knowing” each other. You have probably heard the saying “intimacy” as “into-me-you-see.” Marriage intimacy is knowing your spouse and your spouse knowing you. Knowledge creates a strong foundation to face marital conflicts and storms.

Couples that take a priority in creating detailed love maps of each other’s lives are better prepared to cope with crises and conflicts.

Deeper Intimacy Creates Relationship Strength

In Gottman’s marital research, couples whose marriage thrived after having their first child (one of the highest challenges to¬†marital dissatisfaction and leading to divorce) had a deeper knowledge of each other and were in the pattern of being intently aware of what the other was feeling and thinking. Each understood what the other spouse was struggling with and both made each other their highest priority to communicate daily.

Gottman found that these couples would go out to dinner at least once a week and just talk (faith issues, struggles, politics, their marriage, etc.). Too many times the husband gets left out after a new baby comes into the family.

Knowing Your Spouse Creates Connection

The birth of a couple’s first baby is just one of life’s many challenges to a marriage and without having developed a detailed love map, they may eventually lose the connection that brought them together. Other life challenges may be a move to a new location, new job, facing health issues, or even retirement. Gottman’s research found that the more each couple knows and understands each other, the better able to stay connected in major life challenges and events.

Love Map Questionnaire

How do you know if you and your spouse/partner have a high quality or low quality love map? In Gottman’s book, “The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work,” he has 20 Love Map questions. The questions ask how well you know your spouse. Such as: “Do you know your spouse’s hopes, dreams, religious beliefs, favorite music, worries, fears, most special times in my partner’s life, what makes him/her stressed, favorite movies, etc. The printable version of the questionnaire at:

Love Map Game

Couples that know each other find joy in their relationship and I recommend that every married couple make this a high priority. Gottman has developed¬†a game for this principle and it can be found at Playing the game with your partner will increase and deepen your knowledge of him/her. Please refrain from judging your partner’s responses and your goal is simply to learn more about your spouse.

Marriage Counseling

If you need additional help saving your marriage, please contact my counseling center today to setup a couples therapy session. I can provide both direction and guidance to increase intimacy in your marriage and relationship.