Key Connection Moments Relationship Counseling Round Rock TexasKey Connection Moments

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) attachment perspective of love provides a key insight into understanding poisonous cycles in marriage relationships. There are key connection moments that either break or make a relationship.

Things can be going well for a couple and then one event can seem to dramatically change things from good to bad. It can occur so quickly that couples often state that neither understand what happened. EFTC attempts to slow things down to better see the attachment needs and the strong emotions that arise when those needs are not met.

Disconnection Negative Spiral

In a connected relationship, these marriage negative connection moments don’t escalate, In a disconnected relationship, things can negatively spiral into insecurity and fear. The partners feel suddenly vulnerable in the world and begin to believe that the relationship is in danger. The threat can seem to come either from the outside world or within their inner mental state. One or both partners can begin to feel less wanted, less valuable, and that the other spouse might be wanting someone else.

Relationship Fear & Doubt

When doubts about the relationship increase, the partner(s) may express his or her fear through anger, sarcasm, accusations, or retreat into isolation. The response then becomes more of the same.

After the threat lessons, the partners have a second moment to reconnect or continue to disconnect. They can reach out to each other and communicate the hurt and fear they feel or continue the negative reaction of more attacks or withdraw into isolation.

Reassurance And Understanding

The healthy direction is for both partners to tune in to their attachment emotions and reach for connection. Both can then respond with reassurance and understanding. The partners comfort each other and move closer. The marriage key connection moments can be a crossroad of either building a stronger foundation of trust or pushing away in disconnection.

Both partners share in the same attachment needs but express them differently. When the relationship is in trouble, men often feel rejected, inadequate, and a failure. Women feel abandoned and unconnected. Research finds that women reach out more to others when they experience a lack of connection in their relationship while men seem to isolate.

Marriages Fail Not Because of Conflict

Conflict is not the main cause of failed marriages or divorce but rather it is “decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness.” Sue Johnson finds that “the demise of marriages begins with a growing absence of responsive inmate interactions. The conflict comes later.” When couples begin to experience doubt in their relationship, both partners will try to control or flee. To make a marriage work, couples need to learn how to respond to each other’s emotions. Connection is the key to emotional balance.

Seek Marriage Counseling

Are you experiencing decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness in your marriage? Please don’t wait for the spiral to end in divorce. Call our counseling center today to setup a marriage or relationship counseling session with a trained couples therapist that can help you and your spouse learn how to be more tuned into one another’s emotional needs.