Happy Marriages Relationship Counseling Round Rock

What Makes Happy Marriages

Happy marriages doesn’t mean that the couple in the marriage are somehow more intelligent or perfect. Some couples who say they are very satisfied with their marriage still have significant differences in interests, values, personality, and goals. There still is conflict in their relationship. They still have arguments over kids, money, sex, housekeeping, in-laws as unhappy couples. The secret to their happiness is how they work through their journey of difficulties and don’t lose their enjoyable and stable marriage.

The Gottman Institute studied hundreds of couples to discover the secrets of these happy and emotionally intelligent marriages. Obviously, they found that no two marriages are the same, but their research did find commonalities of happy marriages and often do not even realize that they were aligned with the Gottman Seven Principles that make marriages work. The Unhappy marriages, in their research, came up short in at least one of the seven principles.

Friendship Versus Fighting

One of the most important findings in the Gottman marriage research is the important fact that happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. The partners have a mutual respect for and enjoyment of the other partner’s companionship. Intimacy can mean simply “In-to-me-you-see.” The happy couples tend to know each other deeply and intimately. They are very knowledgeable about each other’s hopes, likes, dislikes, quirkiness, and dreams for the future. They positively regard the other partner and express their fondness in big ways through their daily interactions daily.

Some examples include staying connected daily through text or the phone, remembering and knowing the events that the other partner has in each day, knowing what the other partner likes the most about meals, buying the other a cup of coffee on the way home because he knows she loves coffee, she goes to sporting events simply because she knows he enjoys her company, etc. This may seem small, but the research showed it was huge when it comes to happy marriages.  Happy marriages include a deep friendship that lasts.

Marital Friendship Fuels Romance

Gottman asserts that, “Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse.” This doesn’t mean the couple won’t have conflict or disagreements, but it does mean that their positive beliefs about each other tend to supersede their negative feelings. They keep their balance even in rocky times. Their positivity creates an optimistic feeling about each other and their marriage.