Is Sexual Addiction Real?

denver sex addiction therapySexual Addiction Real Addiction?

There are many different opinions and views about sexual addiction. As a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), I have been treating men that struggle with sexual compulsive behaviors for over 15 years. I tell my clients in the first session that the real issue is not the need for more sex but rather a desire for safe connection. (more…)

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Should The Betraying Spouse Disclose or Not?

Should I or Shouldn’t I Share?

Most partners of sex addicts first learn about an addict’s sexual behaviors by accident—a coworker of the sex addict tells her that her spouse is having an affair, she accidentally discovers emails on his phone to prostitutes or acting out partners, or she finds pornography on the home computer. (more…)

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Sexual Addiction Recovery Plan

Sexual Addiction Recovery

Recovering from sexual addiction takes work and a determination to lean into the pain rather than returning to the addiction. Addiction is about numbing, medicating, avoiding, escaping, and denying reality at all cost. Therefore, recovery is about facing and experiencing reality at all cost. No matter the pain involved!  You must work a Sexual Addiction Recovery Plan. (more…)

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How Porn Rewires The Brain

austin sex addiction therapyPorn Rewires The Brain

Often I am asked, “What’s the big deal with viewing porn? Everyone does it.” I answer this question by communicating how viewing pornography rewires the brain.

To begin, we must understand how our brains to learn quickly through repetition. Watch a infant begin to walk and you will see how his/her brain learns through repeated attempts, failure, learning, and eventually success. (more…)

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Sex Addict’s Family System

sexual addiction counselors round rock

Rigid/Disengaged Family System

When I work with men that struggle with sexual addiction, one of the first things we will do is look at his family-of-origin. Often, I find a family system characterized as rigid and disengaged.

A leading researcher in the field of sexual addiction, Dr. Patrick Carnes, found that 77% of men and women who report as struggling with sexual addiction were raised in a rigid family and 87% report coming from a disengaged or disconnected family. (more…)

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How To Exit Conflict Cycles

Conflict in relationships can often take on a life of its own. These conflicts can become perpetual negative patterns that reinforce the next conflict and the next.


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Practice Empathy

Relationship Assertiveness

Empathy = Less Anger

“The opposite of anger is not calmness, its empathy.” – Mehmet Oz

A major part of Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples is to help each partner practice empathy.  To practice empathy is the ability to “walk in the other person’s shoes.”  In other words, empathy is knowing what the other person is experiencing, feeling, and compassionately responding to another person’s distress. (more…)
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Sex Addiction & Attachment

Sex Addiction CounselingSex Addiction & Attachment

I believe that sex addiction counselors need to (re)think about addiction differently than we have in the past. Human beings have been created to possess an inborn need to bond and connect with others. When we are feeling safe, happy and healthy, we will bond with the people around us.

When we don’t feel safe, loved, seen, or soothed; we will turn to something or someone that will give us relief from the pain of loneliness. Relief could be as simple as endlessly checking our smart phones or it might be pornography, video games, social media, gambling, or drugs. We will bond with something because that is our human nature. (more…)

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