Understanding the Negative Dance
Couples typically get into one of three fighting styles but often don’t realize the cycle of how they fight. Knowing and identifying how you fight in your relationship is important. All couples get into conflict, so understanding the dance of how you argue can take some of the power away.
Demon Dialogues Destroy Relationships
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples assert that the enemy of couples in conflict is neither of the partners but rather it is the negative cycle. The longer partners feel disconnected, the worst the negative dance will become. EFT calls the three negative patterns, Demon Dialogues. The three are Find the Bad Guy, the Protest Polka, and Freeze and Flee.(more…)
Empathy = Less Anger
“The opposite of anger is not calmness, its empathy.” – Mehmet OzA major part of Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples is to help each partner practice empathy. To practice empathy is the ability to “walk in the other person’s shoes.” In other words, empathy is knowing what the other person is experiencing, feeling, and compassionately responding to another person’s distress. (more…)
Sex Addiction & Attachment
I believe that sex addiction counselors need to (re)think about addiction differently than we have in the past. Human beings have been created to possess an inborn need to bond and connect with others. When we are feeling safe, happy and healthy, we will bond with the people around us.
When we don’t feel safe, loved, seen, or soothed; we will turn to something or someone that will give us relief from the pain of loneliness. Relief could be as simple as endlessly checking our smart phones or it might be pornography, video games, social media, gambling, or drugs. We will bond with something because that is our human nature. (more…)
Questions Finding Sexual Addiction TherapistFinding a counselor who is knowledgeable about sexual addiction is critical and often counselors will label themselves as “specialists” but have never received specialized training in sex addiction. We have heard many disappointed clients share their negative initial experiences with a therapist that had only book knowledge of sex addiction. (more…)
Sex Addiction: An Attachment Disorder
In the 15 years of working with men that struggle with sexual addictions, I have held the belief that the main issue was not about sex. Rather, I found that these men had relationship or attachment wounds from childhood and each had a disorder of regulating their emotions (feeling overwhelmed by emotions). (more…)