How To Exit Conflict Cycles

Marriage Therapy Denver

Conflict in relationships can often take on a life of its own. These conflicts can become perpetual negative patterns that reinforce the next conflict and the next.

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Roles In Negative Relationship Conflicts

round rock couples counselingNegative Cycle Roles

When partners are able to own their positions and steps each take in a fight, they can then find new ways for facing their distress. The goal of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is to help the couple slow down the patterns to see more clearly the role each plays in the negative dance. Understanding helps the couple to stand together against the isolating power of these negative patterns and find positive ways to work through their differences. (more…)

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Relationship Histories Provide Insight

marriage cycles of conflictPast Relationships Affect Current

Our family histories, friendships, and past romantic relationships all play important roles in how we interact and connect with our partner in the present. Those histories shape our actions and expectations for our current marriage. How our parents or other caregivers modeled their relationship often can explain why each partner thinks or does what they do. (more…)

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Enemy Of Couples = Cycle

round rock couples counselingReal Enemy Is The Cycle

Couples often come into therapy seeking ways to improve their communication or learn better conflict resolution solutions. Yet the real enemy for couples is the negative patterns of interaction that they get sucked into when their is conflict. (more…)

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The Negative Cycle = Enemy

Harsh Start-ups Marriage Counseling Austin Texas

Protesting For Good Reason

In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples, we believe that the partner that often find themselves in the position of attacking (or a better term is “protesting”) has very good and legitimate reasons for it.(more…)
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Attack-Attack Cycle

Step One: Forgiving Your Partner

Understanding the Negative Dance

Couples typically get into one of three fighting styles but often don’t realize the cycle of how they fight. Knowing and identifying how you fight in your relationship is important. All couples get into conflict, so understanding the dance of how you argue can take some of the power away.(more…)
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Demon Dialogues

Relationship Assertiveness

Demon Dialogues Destroy Relationships

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples assert that the enemy of couples in conflict is neither of the partners but rather it is the negative cycle. The longer partners feel disconnected, the worst the negative dance will become. EFT calls the three negative patterns, Demon Dialogues. The three are Find the Bad Guy, the Protest Polka, and Freeze and Flee.

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Practice Empathy

Relationship Assertiveness

Empathy = Less Anger

“The opposite of anger is not calmness, its empathy.” – Mehmet Oz

A major part of Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples is to help each partner practice empathy.  To practice empathy is the ability to “walk in the other person’s shoes.”  In other words, empathy is knowing what the other person is experiencing, feeling, and compassionately responding to another person’s distress.(more…)
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