Should The Betraying Spouse Disclose or Not?
Should I or Shouldn’t I Share?
Most partners of sex addicts first learn about an addict’s sexual behaviors by accident—a coworker of the sex addict tells her that her spouse is having an affair, she accidentally discovers emails on his phone to prostitutes or acting out partners, or she finds pornography on the home computer. (more…)
Partners Of Sex Addicts Betrayal Trauma
Betrayal Trauma = PTSD
Betrayal Trauma = PTSDWhen the Sex Addict’s betrayal comes to light through disclosure the impact can cause an attachment injury, in which the relationship represents a source of danger rather than a safe place to go for emotional support. In a relationship with betrayal, the attachment bond is broken and the offended party suffers what is often called relational trauma. (more…)
Sexual Addiction Recovery Plan
Sexual Addiction Recovery
Sexual Addiction RecoveryRecovering from sexual addiction takes work and a determination to lean into the pain rather than returning to the addiction. Addiction is about numbing, medicating, avoiding, escaping, and denying reality at all cost. Therefore, recovery is about facing and experiencing reality at all cost. No matter the pain involved! You must work a Sexual Addiction Recovery Plan. (more…)
How Porn Rewires The Brain
Porn Rewires The Brain
Porn Rewires The BrainOften I am asked, “What’s the big deal with viewing porn? Everyone does it.” I answer this question by communicating how viewing pornography rewires the brain.
To begin, we must understand how our brains to learn quickly through repetition. Watch a infant begin to walk and you will see how his/her brain learns through repeated attempts, failure, learning, and eventually success. (more…)
Sex Addict’s Family System
Rigid/Disengaged Family System
When I work with men that struggle with sexual addiction, one of the first things we will do is look at his family-of-origin. Often, I find a family system characterized as rigid and disengaged.
A leading researcher in the field of sexual addiction, Dr. Patrick Carnes, found that 77% of men and women who report as struggling with sexual addiction were raised in a rigid family and 87% report coming from a disengaged or disconnected family. (more…)
Talking About The Cycle
The Negative Cycle is the Enemy
The Negative Cycle is the EnemyCouples often enter into relationship counseling to find solutions to their “communication problems” or to learn new ways to resolve conflict. In my first session with couples, I begin to hear from each partner what frustrates him/her the most and where they get stuck in their interactions. (more…)
Emotional Responsiveness
Partners Emotional Responsiveness
The foundation of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples is helping both partners emotionally respond to each other. This emotional responsiveness can be described by the acronym: A.R.E. (Accessibility, Responsiveness, & Engagement).
(more…)Pursuers Desire Connection
Pursuers Want Reassurance
Pursuers often respond to relationship ruptures by attempting to maintain connection with their partners. Conflict in the relationship or feeling disappointment can trigger the Pursuer to seek reassurance and security.
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