The First Step: Admitting Sex Addiction
The second core belief of a sex addict is “If you knew me, I mean really knew me, you’d reject me.” This core belief keeps men and women that struggle with sexual addiction from admitting sex addiction to others and asking for help. Experience has demonstrated that sharing the addiction with another trusted person is crucial and a form of surrender.
Recovery never begins until the sex addict brings the addiction into the open, into the company of others and exposes it to the light. Until the sex addict is “sick and tired of being sick and tired,” he cannot fully surrender the secret and do “whatever it takes to recovery.”
Surrender: I Need Help
One sex addict exclaimed, “I couldn’t stop my sexual behaviors until I was willing to share it with others who were also willing to share their struggles with me. Allowing others to be a part of my surrender helped me to be fully honest.” The public surrender begins with being able to admit “I have a problem with sexual addiction.” In the 12-step program, the sex addict begins his public share by acknowledging, “I am a sex addict.” It may take him weeks or months of attending meetings before he can own the reality of how bad the addiction has become.
Honesty & Disclosure
The next step for the recovering sex addict is to start talking honestly about what he or she has done in his past sexual behaviors. As more is shared and revealed, the sex addict gradually identifies other underlying defects. It is as if the sex addict can’t see the full extent of the hold the sex addiction has over him without first fully disclosing it in the safety of a group of other recovering sex addicts. Then he can trust that nothing is being held against him and that others in the program are just like him or her (or even worse). Trust allows the sex addict to go deeper in being vulnerable by leading with his weakness rather than hiding behind a false curtain concealing the truth of the pain and suffering.
Recovery Requires Fellowship
Recovery from sexual addiction can not occur in isolation because the root wound is the fear of being rejected if others really knew him. Trust takes time and many more shares of the reality of his past. Vulnerability produces vulnerability. Identifying with other members helps the sex addict to connect with the recover provided in the 12-steps. When he begins to tell it like it really is, and was, he will feel apart of rather than apart from. The sharing of the sexual past confirms that the sex addict is done with the addiction and is sending it away. Sharing becomes liberating and life-giving rather than shameful and experiencing rejection.
Start Sexual Addiction Counseling
Are you struggling with sexual addictive behaviors? I specialize in sexual addiction counseling in Round Rock Texas. Call me today to setup an individual session to begin your journey of healing and recovery.